GAH!

I feel so convicted, and you know what? I love it:] I think when you don't feel convicted, you're not changing. Change is something I need so bad right now.

Okay, so let's set the scene: So there's a person at school and I absolutely, just about almost hate, dislike her with a huge passion. I'm oil, she's water. We do not go together. It's just a bad idea. I'm over the whole situation, but she always going to be that girl. The one that eff'd everything up for me last year. It doesn't help that 1) I'm stubborn in my ways and all women in my family are like this. and 2) You don't mess with a Latina's guy. You just don't do it.

I had one class with her last year and when the last day of school came I was so excited because I thought I was done seeing her. End of summer rolls around and all of our school schedules are mailed out. I get mine and I'm so happy with it. First day of school comes around and I realized I have THREE out of SIX classes with this person I would love to punch in the face. Okay, so maybe not....but I'm sure you're getting the idea. In fact, right now she's sitting next to me and out of the corner of my eye I can see she's looking at me. I want to glare at her and be like "WHAT DO YOU WANNTTT?!!!" That would cause a scene, and that's not cute. I'm not glaring at her. I'm proud of myself. It's actually quite a bit of an accomplishment. Considering I did it just over an hour ago in first period..oh well. Life goes on.
Here's where the conviction comes in. On Wednesday night Andrew was talking about all the different kids and their situations and how just a simple "Hi" can change things. You can make and impact on people with your attitude; last night at small group, we were talking about competition and change and a whole bunch of stuff. For me, it was a whole different kind of competition. I always had to out do her. I had to make myself stand out because I felt like if that could happen, I'm not doing something right and I need to fix that. That didn't last for long but it was definitely still there. Change. I need to change. It's not a coincidence that I spend half the day with her. She will try and talk to me and every single time I will shut her down. I've been given the opportunity to connect with her and love on her like Jesus would love everyone of us. I heard she went to Repossess and maybe that will open a door and somehow she'll be interested in FOS. That's not going to happen though if I continue to be this way towards her.